As I matured into adulthood, I started to see my parents not as superheros and perfect know-it-alls, but as real, imperfect people. This is the true transition from being a child: when your mom and dad lose the mythical aura of parents and become normal people. I was blessed that when the shine of mom and dad faded, my parents were exceptional, individual people. As a kid, I would test these differences when I would run to dad looking for a different answer after mom already told me no. These differences should not come as a surprise given their backgrounds. My mom was raised in small-town, middle-America, Tiffin, Ohio, where she attended Kent State University and graduated with honors. My dad was born in the epitome of suburbia, Levittown, Pennsylvania, where he spent enough time in school to get an Associate’s Degree at Bucks County Community College.

Their differences also showed in their personalities and finances. Where my mom would be concerned with how other people view you, being introverted, and of course, saving your money; my dad would instead highlight not caring what other people think, being extroverted, and earning money to spend. These contrasts were such a blessing because they exposed me to different worldviews from a young age. Most importantly, these differences placed an emphasis when their views aligned. For example, there was always alignment with work ethic. Although I rarely listened to my parents’ advice like most kids, I would often copy their habits. Fortunately, my parents worked hard and I could emulate their actions. Work ethic is one of the greatest lessons to instill in children because everything else in life stems from it. My mom always had the best grades; was very by the book. My dad never sat through a class when he could have been playing pinochle. Yet, my mom and dad never missed a day of work for being sick or not being in the mood to go. You went to work – you did the work. This was taught through never skipping a soccer practice or staying home from school with a slight cough (or pneumonia). 

My parents made sure work ethic was understood by waking me up early even after being out all night and still expecting me to earn good grades even if the teacher was unfair. I learned about work ethic through the way my mom and dad talked about people they admired; not get rich quick types or celebrities, but people who worked hard and developed skills. Hard work did not have a negative quality, it was worthy in its own right. I heard about how hard our grandparents worked and I watched my parents do the same. My parents taught me that hard work is not always going to receive the recognition it deserves. You do not always get credit. This was demonstrated when my mom would create lesson plans that required more work on her end, but would be better for the students. Or when my dad was mowing a lawn, he showed there was a right way to do it even if no one would notice- especially when no one was looking. When it was my job the expectation was to do it well. 

Despite my parents’ emphasis on hard work, they expressed that hard work should be done with a purpose. My parents artfully explained the concept of working for the man. As a child, the phrase working for the man would have went right over my four-foot-eight-inch head. Fortunately this was never stated explicitly, and instead was shown through personal stories and actions. It was shown when my dad expressed that lack of focus in school had consequences. That not working hard in school can limit options and force one to work harder for less. Now as an adult, I can appreciate the tremendous amount of humility and self awareness my dad demonstrated to teach me this lesson.   

Humility is another attribute my parents have in common. My dad told us that lack of education held him back in his career. My mom can barely take credit for anything, from lavish dinners to improving kids lives at school. My parents demonstrated how to be proud of your accomplishments, but never to brag about them. I took humility to heart because it took me some time to proudly display my accomplishments. This highlights a common parenting challenge: not knowing what their kids will latch onto or how they will implement lessons in their own lives. This is another reason why my parents’ differences are so valuable. I was able to observe and learn from two distinctly different people, which provided two unique perspectives and approaches to life. I was blessed being able to watch my mom and dad demonstrate and live these ideals and lessons. My parents gave me a robust and solid foundation that encourages and inspires me to build without limits.   

DAD

I have known my dad for 33 years (about 28 consciously) and we never reviewed school essays or solved calculus problems. My dad did not tutor in the classic subjects (he saved that for mom). Instead, he was constantly teaching a graduate level class in the abstract subjects of integrity, work ethic, self- discipline, kindness, gratitude, honesty, laughter, and empathy. He did not have a textbook to read from or lessons plans to follow, only his own actions and examples. The best teachers not only explain the lesson, but demonstrate it. 

My dad related more to playing cards and cars than grades and school books. School did not resonate with my dad, but people did. My dad has a way of interacting and connecting with those around him that brightens a room. As a child I formed my values and merit subconsciously. This is why the best lessons are the ones I did not realize I was being taught. My dad excelled at teaching without calling it a lesson. He taught me the value of things that do not have a dollar sign. That actions speak louder than words. These are the types of lessons that are taught when buying soft pretzels on the Boulevard at a red light and treating the person with the same respect as a bank manager. Or when you stop to buy ice cream for everyone in the car and do not worry about the dollars and cents. He taught me by never being late for work and by not complaining that the boss was unfair or the job was a grind. He taught me to take pride in my work. This was demonstrated through shoveling a driveway or mowing a lawn. The job was not complete until it was done right, even if that meant going back and redoing the entire project.  

My dad taught me that attitude is more important than circumstances. When he was blindsided by a lay off after 26 years at the same company, he did not spiral into self-loathing and pity. Instead, my dad had the self-awareness and fortitude to look introspectively and make the best of a tough situation. My dad also taught me that consistently showing respect and support is the root of building strong relationships with the people who mean the most. He demonstrated this through showing love and kindness towards my mom and other loved ones. 

  He taught the value in bringing laughter and joy to others. For example, the last time my septuagenarian grandmom and great aunt saw each other was during the car ride to the airport. In order to lighten the mood of what could have been a solemn trip, my dad hid a singing fish from the night before under the seat and played it down I-95. This brought a smile to everyone’s face. My dad has an innate ability to make those around him comfortable and laugh. My dad can brighten a room through a perfect balance of caring and antics.   

  What I am trying to say is my dad taught me how to be a kind man and a strong person.  

MOM

“A good teacher can inspire hope, 
ignite the imagination, and
install a love of learning."

Most people know the value and importance of good teachers: the impact a good teacher can have on a student’s life is tremendous. At the root of peoples’ success is a teacher that guided and nurtured them along their way. A great teacher can make a lasting impact in a semester or a year, and my mom’s impact began accumulating from when I was born. Imagine the impact and cumulative effect when that great teacher is my mom. I did not receive quarterly grades or end of the year exams. The grading format was respect, being proud, and doing my best. It is such a blessing when the home is the classroom and the lessons are lifelong. One of the greatest lessons my mom taught me was instilling the importance of learning. By teaching me to enjoy learning, I was able to take care of the rest. This was taught subtly when I was an eager 10-year-old at the library walking to the counter balancing 12 books to checkout (at least four beyond my current reading level), yet not discouraging or asking me to be more practical or pointing out that I would never read all of those books. Instead, it was met with encouragement for being curious and ambitious, and because of this, I have carried that curiosity and ambition into adulthood. 

My mom taught me that making mistakes is okay and failure is part of the journey. My mom helped build my confidence and self-esteem especially when I needed it the most. Relating through personal stories had a lasting impact and helped deliver the message in a way that resonated. My mom taught me to try new things. When there was a need for fixing plumbing, or painting, or drywall, it would have been easier to call a professional, but my mom encouraged me to try and tackle these projects. Then when I spilled an entire gallon of paint on a new carpet, it was not met with an angry response that could have easily ruined my desire for home improvement projects. Rather, it was met with calm, swift action, the need to pay more attention, and the determination to be more conscientious. I could have been filled with a fear of mistakes and failure. Instead, I was empowered to tackle any problem.

My mom taught me to not care about what other people are doing, or let it affect me, because I know which peoples’ opinion matter most. She taught me to ignore the majority and listen to the people I respect. She taught me to not imitate the majority because it is easier. My mom taught me to listen to the quiet close few, and ignore the loud distance many, which has the added benefit of inoculating me from today’s social media culture. 

What I am trying to say is my mom instilled a life long love of learning and empowered me to carve out my own identity.